Week 0 - 13 January 2010

Dear Sister

3 people walked hand-in-hand away from the airport terminal tonight.
3 people, who only 3.5 hours earlier had arrived with another person and a trolley full of luggage.
3 very sad people.

I think you know who they are.

***

I couldn't believe that the day had finally arrived, it all seemed to have gone so fast. And there we were on Wednesday morning, and your bag was still hecticly overweight.
I don't think anybody realises how very few things you can take, with a luggage restriction of only 20kgs.

It is an average suitcase, filled with; toiletries for only 3 months, 7 pairs of pants, 7 tops, 1 jersey, 1 jacket, 1 pair thermal underwear, 1 pair pajamas, 7 pairs of underwear, 1 pair of shoes and a towel.

It seems really unrealistic to only allow somebody to take 20kgs on a flight overseas.

So of course, we had to pack the rest of your clothes, and stuff into a box and mail them to. All winter clothes via airmail, and summer clothes via ship.

We had such a huge fight that morning, but I can understand why. You didn't want to leave those familiar things behind, when you left.

***

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, and after sitting waiting in the airport for nearly 4 hours, I honestly believed I wouldn't. But when the final time came to say goodybe, I just couldn't keep that promise no matter what. And so of course I made you cry too. I just hated the thought that you might come back as a different person, that is why I kept hugging you, maybe 4 times, before you left. And why in the last hug, I begged you to come back the same.

Afterwards, I went in search of the ever elusive Butterfinger Bars, but as yet have not found any. So I bought a magazine instead, I just couldn't go away from that airport empty handed.

I lay thinking that night, trying to imagine what it must be like to be flying over different countries, and seeing the world, but because I had never seen it, I just couldn't imagine it. It was very difficult.

That is why I kept smsing you, and why I asked for a photo the next morning of the dark, and the snow, and the airport. I just needed to see and imagine where you were.

Thank you so much my darling sister.

I love you so much, and I am thinking about you continuously. I am missing you, and can't get it into my subconcious that you are gone. I was looking through the magazine and remembering pages that I wanted to show you, so I got up, walked to your room and saw the light was off and the door was closed. So I thought 'Oh she must be sleeping already, I can't wake her up' and then it hit me...'she's not in there'.

So in time I'm sure I will get used to it, but for now I'll just keep making mistakes.

Take care Fairy child,
All my love always

Your Sister

Prologue

Prologue

Dearest Sister

Very soon you will be leaving me and our family to spend a whole year in France. I know how excited you are, but we will all miss you so much.

I remember how much you wanted to enter this exchange programme, and how mom let you enter, thinking that you would not get very far, and yet you kept getting through the rounds. And that fantastic moment when they told you that you were not chosen for short term, but rather one of the very few who was to go for long term. You were over the moon excited, and I was dead jealous.

You went on an information fenzy, researching all the countries they had given you to pick from and finally settling upon Belgium, since your ever so coveted France was not on the list. Something that I was ever so glad about, since France was my dream not yours.

But fate has a funny way of working things out, and when you went for your final meeting, you were told you were going to France.

I don't think that I have ever envied you more in my entire life. I didn't know that such jealousy could overtake a person, but it did to me.

And yet now when I think on it, I dont feel even one ounce of jealousy anymore. Maybe it's because my dreams have taken a different path this year, or maybe it is because the jealousy is waiting to suddenly explode with no warning when I say goodbye to you.

Either way, I am going to miss you more than you will ever know. Something that I would not readily admit to your face, or permit anyone else to tell you. Since I know you. You will probably use it against me. ;-)

I am going to miss the little things that you do, and not necessarily the good ones either.

I will miss;

• The way you tell me exactly what I can and cannot eat out of the fridge
• The way you moan at me for borrowing your things without asking you, and yet even when I do ask, you say 'No' anyway
• The way you order everybody else about in the morning or at anytime while you are getting ready for something
• The way you always have to contradict everything everyone else says, becasue you are 'always right'
• The way you are sometimes so selfish that nobody else matters to you, when you rinse your hair in my bath, when you leave me to do your chores, when you make me do your homework as well as your own, when you refuse to help me with anything
• The way you hide your hands behind your back when you dont want to carry anything or help somebody
• The way you moan at me for using up all you time when I am sick, and then come and apologise for it later, usually by making some weird food combination
• The way you criticise whatever anyone else is wearing, even though you have no sense of style yourself, and then go and ask that very same person for help on choosing an outfit
• The way you chastise me for spending the money I worked for on buying a pair of shorts I really needed, and then go out and buy 3 tops to wear for civvies day tomorow, when you and I both know that you can only wear one
• The way you say to me that since I got my license I 'just want to drive everywhere' and then still ask me to come 'fetch you'
• The way you insist on everything being done your way, which usually results in the family having to do your groups term project, simply because 'they wouldn't do it right'
• The way you refuse to hug or kiss me goodbye, even causing my nose to bleed once when I tried to hug you before a week-long school trip

If I sat a little longer, I could probably think of 1000 more reasons as to why I will miss you next year. Crazy absurd reasons, that people will laugh at or be worried over. But they shouldn't be, because I know you very well My Sister, and those are your simple ways for showing me how much you love me. And I love you too.

I will miss you very much next year, and that is the purpose of these letters. I will try to write you at least one letter for every week of the year. Just to make sure that you know you are being missed and that we still love you no matter what. But I promise they wont' be soppy gooey stories, because I know you hate those, but rather heartwarming tales of the goings on in my life.

All my Love always

Your Sister

P.S. I know you have issued tons of orders on what to do on your departure date, and I promise I will try my best to carry them out :)